Chatter box
From the moment we learn to talk, we talk to ourselves. Children start playing with language as a way of learning to speak. First they play around with sounds, then with words and phrases. Many of their early sentences have to do with things they’re learning about rules of behavior. They review life lessons out loud, telling imaginary playmates not to touch the stove: it’s hot! Or other such forms of recent adult guidance.
At some point, this self-talk becomes largely internalized, as we learn that it isn’t socially acceptable to talk to ourselves. Plus, it isn’t fast enough—some claim the speed of self-talk in our heads is ten or more times faster than speaking out loud. And for some of us, eventually this inner self-talk can become overwhelming—and overwhelmingly unpleasant. The inner voice becomes our loudest, meanest critic and commentator. At this point, it becomes what researchers call “chatter.”
Ethan Kross, psychology professor at the University of Michigan, is one such psychological researcher. His book “Chatter: The Voice in Our Head, Why It Matters, and How to Harness It” [Crown Publishing: 2021] describes a helpful summary of the research along with several practical suggestions for dealing with the negative self-talk when it becomes burdensome. Having some constructive criticism is one thing. Having a built-in voice that enjoys your misery is another.
Kross’s book bears more resemblance to popular psychology, but it also provides some tips on how to deal with an overbearing inner voice. One simple method that takes a little bit of practice is to stop for a moment when you notice the voice getting out of hand and say to yourself: “I see/hear that thought. What is it doing?” The basic act of shining a spotlight on the monologue through a higher-level narrator seems to derail the torment.
Another basic tip is to try talking to yourself—to the inner voice—in the second person. For instance: “Marque, you should wrap this up and get it in the publishing queue.” Or: “You can bring this home—you’ve done it before.” It’s the sort of second-person advice we give to and receive from friends. It tends to be well-intentioned, non-threatening, and doesn’t nag.
I first encountered Kross, his ideas, and book in the Art of Manliness podcast:
I found the book interesting in itself, and also a bit useful in its insights—maybe for others, too, for those who find the inner voice’s harangues have grown abusive and inhibiting. Here’s the Goodreads page.
Wishing all wonderful Holidays! This community is a pleasure to treasure each day.
I hope some of you will see this. It’s hilarious!!!
https://www.boredpanda.com/funny-middle-aged-humor-pics/