Dating App
To the dismay of some in comments, this blog has recently discovered and reported on scientific differences between the sexes. Rob Henderson has been pointing to other evidence of such differences as they pertain to human dating and mating behaviors, especially regarding how these activities are changing in the face of changing technology.
Henderson recently distilled some findings from a survey conducted by AEI’s American Survey Center on American pairing behavior. Survey data indicate that dating apps are popular among a narrow slice of Americans, even though the narrow slice is rather substantial. The survey’s own introduction states it plainly:
Among the roughly one in four Americans who have ever used an online dating platform, experiences are mixed. Roughly as many users report a positive experience as a negative one. Women are especially critical of online dating, reporting significantly more negative experiences than men.
Even as online dating has made it easier than ever to become romantically involved with a complete stranger, younger Americans appear increasingly interested in dating people they already know. Young adults are more than twice as likely as seniors to report that they were friends with their partner or spouse before they started dating.
This surprised me: It appears that online dating via apps has peaked and is now waning among a generation that has grown up with readily available smartphones and always-on social media.
Other findings that Henderson highlights involve political ideology and dating preferences, and the differences between what men and women are looking for in a partner. It does appear that modern circumstances are more suited to male preferences, since technology facilitates hook-ups. We could speculate further as to why this is the case based in part on the work of researchers like Joyce Benenson discussed last week.
For instance, women are overwhelmingly looking for a narrower set of traits in a mate than men are, which makes the competition among women fiercer, with a greater chance of disappointment. To illustrate the problem, Henderson begins by pointing out that more than half of women prefer men who are taller than they are. Men don’t mind height differences nearly as much. Qua Benenson, it makes evolutionary sense for a woman—ever mindful of her and her offsprings’ safety—to choose the most imposing mate she can find because he will ward off any other threatening males.
Henderson continues with more disappointing mismatches:
Sadly, the qualities that a particular woman finds attractive in a man are typically qualities many other women also find attractive. A man who is able to attract a particular woman is usually able to attract plenty of other women as well. Today, with the rise of apps and the decline in social judgment, it is easier than ever for an attractive man in a relationship to find side partners for casual sex.
Relatedly, men are more likely (57%) than women (49%) to say their experiences with dating online have been positive. College-educated men are especially likely to report enjoying online dating—64% say they have had somewhat or very positive experiences.
Benenson’s research tells us that women have a more serious job in finding mates than men, and that women take that job seriously as a life-long project to ensure that their DNA survive and thrive. In contrast, men start out on watch for the Enemy, and they organize socially from an early age with contests among peers to determine each man’s best use in battle. But modern times in a peaceful rich country don’t require any of that constant warring and fighting, so men can wander off and amuse themselves with video games, mind-altering substances, and any chance for casual sex as it presents itself.
As the survey reports, marriage has been in a 50-year decline, and nowadays long-term cohabitation (as opposed to marriage) has become equally prevalent. This not-quite-so-committed relationship is typically more appealing to men. All of this points to the current state of affairs reflecting men’s preferences, since women’s preferences limit their selection to a minority of men.
In the comments for Judgment Day (KDW's article for today, featuring a range of subjects, as did the comments) M. J-C J. made a joking reply that I recognized as an appropriate badinage-type joke. So I responded with a joke in the same spirit (though probably young PJ of the anti-religious snark, also on display, would hate it). See, I can play nicely when the French guy does.
Also, I (and another regular) had some good exchanges with a very nice preacher. And Kevin himself left some brief replies(not to me, though) here and there. And the name of Zaphod Beeblebrox came up.
There's also a Trumpist troll (I've seen him before) posting multiple comments and being ignored. Good. But then Pat Riot informed him that posting more than one top-level comment is considered rude. Really? I was not aware of such a rule and don't feel inclined to recognize it based on one person's say-so. And my ignoring skills are pretty well developed, so I don't need P.R. to run interference.
I've read a lot of the comments here before deciding what, if anything, I'd like to say myself.
Let's just say that I know a guy who had the experience of being a single parent unexpectedly thrust on him. He had no designs on marrying again, nor did he want any more kids. He also wasn't particularly interested in spending the rest of his life exclusively in the company of men.
After a while he ended up in a relationship with a slightly younger, childless divorced woman with whom he shared some common interests, mostly relating to 'outdoor' things. He thought after some time that marriage *might* be a possibility, but that was not his *goal* in entering the relationship in the beginning, and he'd made that clear. So it had seemed as well on the other party's part, but after a while it became apparent that was indeed the other party's one and only goal and had been from the start, borne out by the fact that within not much more than a month or so after the relationship went south, she was dating another guy and within a year of that was married to him.
My friend figured he'd dodged a bullet on that one, and he ended up casually and briefly dating a couple of other women before meeting one a couple of years older than him, also childless and divorced, and with a different set of common interests, mostly relating to 'intellectual' things. When things became *serious* after several years, my friend still had his 'doubts' about marriage for a few reasons, but luckily he eventually recognized the genuine second shot at a happily married life he'd fallen into. So, he finally let down his guard and pulled the trigger.
My friend's point 23 years on, if he were here to tell you, would be that if you go headhunting for a permanently committed mate as the ultimate and only goal of the hunt, you just might end up with a giant headache. If you use your head a bit better than that, you just may get as lucky as I... um, I mean he...did.