"The United States expresses its official condolences for the death of Iranian President Ebrahim Raisi, Foreign Minister Amir-Abdollahian, and other members of their delegation in a helicopter crash in northwest Iran. As Iran selects a new president, we reaffirm our support for the Iranian people and their struggle for human rights and fundamental freedoms."
Official State Department blah on the death of Raisi. Could have been worse!
I am at a work/spiritual retreat in Honolulu. I am staying on campus at Chaminade University, in a non-air-conditioned dorm. We are learning about the society of Mary, its values, and how we can apply them At UD. We go from about 7:30 in the morning until 830 at night. So yes, I still look like Casper the friendly ghost. But for lunch today, I’m going to play hooky, and go to lunch with Katie and the kids.
No, I am not completely stupid. Not completely stupid. I rented a condo about five minutes on foot from the beach. That is where they are staying. It has air conditioning, and plenty of amenities. I told you I wasn’t completely stupid. 🤦
Work here ends on Tuesday night, I’ll pack and go to the condo Wednesday morning. I’ll play with the family all day and then we fly out Thursday night arriving back home Friday morning-ish provided United doesn’t screw up our flights. I may paraphrase Barack Obama, never underestimate United’s ability to screw up flights.
It has been a good retreat, but exhausting for an introvert. We have a social dinner every night it lasts for hours. It is just exhausting. I text Katie on breaks 2x a day, But haven’t seen her since I got her to the condo.
It’ll probably be next week before I get back into commenting. So be safe everyone. I’ll talk to you soon. Unless the plane crashes, it is a Boeing after all.
Ok, if you don't want to hear my litany of woes, skip this, lol...I just want to share it with friends...helps me not dwell on it
My left knee is killing me, I sprained my right foot, I had a mammogram and they found something that didn't match the last one and I go back tomorrow for a redo and an ultra sound...things are rough financially at work, my Central Air died and they just came by, $250 for the "all season plan) another $550 to replace two processors...sigh, ( but Rick and I both will die without it) my boss has some minor surgery and I am here alone and was Friday...and probably tomorrow...I have to have that old woman bone density scan early next month
My laptop is freezing and shutting down repeatedly, the keyboard for my desktop died when I tried to use that and I don't have the money to replace it, or the laptop, which would be ideal...
Good news is my BP is still normal, ( though my oxygen level is lower, but not critical due to the bronchitis, but, it seems to be clearing up)l pulse is fine, heart seems fine etc, haven't got the bloodwork yet, but, I don't expect it to me out of the normal range...I hope I am right
I sometimes feel like I am being punished for sins in a past life, because every time I think I get things steady some new thing happens...sigh
All this has made me a bit cranky and the politics stuff bother me more than I would prefer...
Sorry to hear that, Angie. Had wondered how you were. Glad your vitals sound encouraging, though.
Politics in today’s context is more about getting and staying excited—in a bad way mainly—than about finding much in the way of good cheer or fulfillment in life.
Yeah, my problem is that I am a people person and the community aspect and getting to talk to lots of different people is what I am drawn to, and smart people, whom there is a lack of in my real life...lol...and even the ones who are don't like talking about the kind of things I do...
Hello everyone, I have had a month from hell, I have been deleting 2/3 of my inbox , because I can't keep up...
I don't know, my parents took me to therapy in JR High, and it helped a lot...I was a mess...their basic reason to me was I cried alot ( which I did, I was very unhappy on multiple levels, but, my mother and I's relationship was part of it, she wouldn't or couldn't help me
I also did it during my marriage and I gained from it, but, my ex wouldn't cooperate and it was the beginning of the end...
This was never understood to not deal with crises, I have had many in my life ( for some reason...lol) and I weather them well, but, sometimes I need more help and I take it...I am actually good in a crisis believe it or not, but, I do still complain about it sometimes
Also, during and after chemo I saw someone also that helped, plus the anti depressants ...lol
I don’t pretend that anyone else’s experience is something I can fully comprehend, much less judge. So to anyone who gets something from therapy, I say, More power to ya!
It backfired for me, and I wouldn’t view it as a one-size-fits-all thing. Although maybe it *didn’t* actually backfire for me at all. It gave me something to tie into a bundle with all my anger and depression issues that I could tie a bow on. Who knows? Not me, that’s who.
Lots of people get something from it, and couples who go to counseling, too. Although when one of the couple decides to “opt out”, there’s not much or any chance that the couple’s conjoined existence is going to last. That in itself is a bad sign, and I don’t blame the therapist for causing it in that case, either.
It was a last ditch desperate attempt to save the marriage, we both took marriage seriously, but, if he had resisted me for 8 years, not sure why I thought he wouldn't keep doing that.
He just refused to believe that he had any responsibility for what was wrong, and he outright said , it was all my fault, being the inferior woman and all...lol...he never did anything wrong...
He also refused to believe I had any legitimate concerns and it was just my weak female self>>
( Ok, in his defense he continued therapy on his own after we split, and make a lot of progress ( thank goodness because it helped him with his next wife) and he eventually apologized to me for the most egregious things, which I appreciated. We were always good friends for many years even before we started dating, and we are still friends...and he is very happy in his second marriage and I am happy for him. He was not a real bad guy, he just had lousy parents who taught him terrible things about relationships)
I stopped being angry a long, long time ago and it is all good now.
Yeah, he was younger than me, but only by a year, but, he grew up pretty isolated, and dirt poor, he one of 12 children...and they were all pretty much on their own...he was socially very awkward ( though he was above average smart), and had a distorted view of marriage and women...and I should have seen this, but, I was young...I thought I could help or he would grow into it...that was a naive idea , but you know me, idealist, always think I can help...lol
From the Morning Jolt at NR, which I can oddly still read, some days, even though my subscription expired:
** ... a Hamas-affiliated Telegram account “took seriously an Israeli joke about a Mossad agent named ‘Eli Copter’ being responsible for the crash, repeating the claim before deleting the post.” **
Really interesting. My parents took my youngest brother to see a therapist out of desperation (I’m sure a school counselor or maybe his doctor recommended it). I know that because my other brother and I went through plenty of problems, as do all kids, without them ever suggesting it for us. I had left home by then, but at one point, the rest of the family saw that same therapist together. The one thing I remember was my mom being shocked when the therapist recommended they buy the motor scooter my brother apparently had been bugging them for. To be honest, the recollections everyone had from that time were actually pretty funny, and would have made a good book.
For the most part, my parents’ idea of “therapy” was telling us life wasn’t fair, and we needed to learn how to deal with things. It was that they didn’t care or weren’t sympathetic; they just felt that it was normal to feel frustrated, angry, unhappy, etc., and you needed to learn how to deal with it. To be honest, I’m now grateful to them. I think it helped me get through some really difficult times as well as a lot of times when things weren’t so difficult, but still not easy.
I got stuck in therapy at an early age for a while. At some point I came to develop a resentment for the therapist and therapy, especially when he was trying to get me to trash talk my Mom and Grandma, effectively my guardians from age 7 to adulthood. Sure, there were things about them that ticked me off, but also things that brought me joy, provided me love and support, and for which I was thankful, even if I expressed it poorly or not at all. What was it with this dude and his obsession with why I should have a generally negative attitude to them?
Eventually he gave up and had me read the book “A New Guide to Rational Living” that had introduced Rational-Emotive Therapy and philosophical stoicism (the book was written in the late ‘60s). That and its successor therapy traditions involved finding practical solutions to clearly defined problems.
In retrospect, I think the traditional therapy caused me to become depressed, since all that constant naval gazing can lead to debilitating bouts of second-guessing and a sense of learned helplessness.
Of course, this is all through the lens of the deep and dimly recollected past. But just about every word from Shrier’s intro resonated with me, except for the bits where she felt like she got something out of therapy as an adult.
My mother put me through it since she thought I must be deeply depressed because our father ran off rather than pay child support. Plus, I’m sure she was overwhelmed as a single parent, and—as she said—she’d been depressed as a young adult and had wished therapy had been available for her at that stage in her life. She was making an honest and sincere effort to figure out the right thing to do under the circumstances.
I assume the vast majority of parents are doing the same thing: trying to dope it out and negotiate what’s best for the whole family individually and collectively. Children *can be* among the harshest critics after the fact. But I’m sure for most the general gratitude outweighs any of their complaints—or should if they’re honest with themselves.
I admire you for figuring things out, and understanding that life is complicated for adults as well as children. I sometimes wonder how we expect so much from people in their 20s when it comes to raising children. In a lot of ways they’re still children in the sense that their experience with life is so limited. I was still clueless in a lot of ways in my 30s!
I always felt as though my mom was overly critical. I wanted to please her, but we were really different. Of course, we were different generations, and she seemed so uptight! However, my aunt (married to my dad’s brother) was very different. I felt I could tell her anything, and she would listen, give me some guidance, but I never felt as though she was unhappy with me.
But now, I can look back and see how much my mother loved me and was doing her best. Same with my dad. I can only imagine how hard it was for your mom, being a single parent. My husband went through that, too, but his was because of his father’s death. Life is hard, and there aren’t any guarantees. Life is also not “fair.” Some children have an easier time than others, but all of them run into problems.
Children need to go through some hard times. They need to learn how to cope, and realize that they can get through it. I’m sorry children have become so “precious” that it’s no longer considered good parenting unless they protect their children from the realities of life.
Keep reading....I think the most disturbing parts of the book relate to intervention by school psychologists and even teachers. I think every parent of young children who attend public school should read the book so they know what to be on the lookout for. I would give the bike trip a 6 out of 10. Good scenery and mostly quiet roads. I'm knocking it down for the days where the roads were busy and the dogs. Lots of loose dogs in rural NM. We were accosted by 5 within 2 miles of the first ride. Nobody was bitten but the threat was there. Also an 81 yo got sideswiped by a car the last day. I don't know any details as we never saw him the rest of the trip other than the fact he was treated and released from the ER that evening. I did see a photo of his face and it was covered in scrapes and stitches above his eye. He was too old to be on that trip, I was almost too old to be on that trip!
Owners with free roaming dogs are less of a rural feature than they used to be here, but you still encounter them when you’re safely in a motor vehicle. The owners will tell you sheepishly that Fido wouldn’t hurt a fly. Glad to know the flies are safe, but anyone walking or riding a bike might suffer bodily injury from dear sweet Fido!
I haven’t seen you in awhile, but I figured you were busy. How’s that new granddaughter doing? The other one? Glad you had a good trip, you made it back in one piece. (I have gotten more careful riding my horse.)
The grands are doing great! We will all be together over Memorial Day weekend at the lake. HOPEFULLY brother will come and meet his new niece and nephew (and see his mom, it's been a year.) We have to meet up soon.
Good morning. It’s got warm during my retreat in western Ohio over the weekend and downright hot yesterday afternoon. Today will be more of the same. Summer is here, awaiting Memorial Day weekend.
The Front Page lead story is entitled “Border Agents Contemplating Suicide” describing the toll the immigration crisis is inflicting on them.
Meanwhile, the lead story over at the mothership was — the redesigned mothership, which required me to login again this morning. At least the comments section didn’t require its own login, as I had feared.
But in the process of patting themselves on the back, the mothership downgraded the big story over the weekend: the death of the Iranian president in a plane crash.
Maybe they'll have a big thing on it tomorrow. Even without the website change, I wouldn't have expected major coverage today: the death wasn't even confirmed until the early a.m.
I come down on both sides of this. I agree that we have, in certain cases, allowed therapy to be substituted for parenting. And I wholeheartedly agree that a lot of the "repressed memory" stuff is bunk. But I know that my therapist helped me greatly after my divorce and a particularly bad immediately-post-divorce relationship. As with many things, it depends on the skill of the provider.
I agree. I went into therapy some years ago, and it helped a lot. I have a therapist I check in with occasionally. I really haven’t felt the need for a while now. But, they can definitely be helpful.
I did some grief counseling after Pam’s death. Long story short, the counselor helped me deal with both my grief and feelings of guilt that I had. Because Pam died from a virus being introduced to her, and because I was with her every day, there is a possibility I was the one who gave her the virus. The counselor helped me through that. Pam‘s mother had the same guilt, so the counselor had both of us meet jointly where we both confessed our guilt, and it helped both of us understand that neither of us were to blame.
I’m glad you saw someone. That’s a really good reason to see a therapist. All therapists are not equally good, and we need to trust our instincts. But, we also need to put in some effort, too.
I do as well. I hear the word trauma tossed around very casually, and (usually young) people announcing major decisions based on their mental health. Is it anxiety or typical nervousness about a stressful event? Trauma or a situation that didn’t turn out your way? I completely support getting rid of the stigma of mental illness but in some ways it feels like it’s gone too far the other direction, to competition and even celebration.
O.M.G.....Gen Z loves to use the word "trauma" including my own kid. Dude, you have no idea what "trauma" is. You grew up in a two parent home who bent over backwards to help you with your (very real) mental health issues.
He’s lucky he has you as a parent!!! How many others these days would just go along with him?! Maybe it’s not as many as it now seems, but parents are doing their kids such a disservice by playing into this garbage.
** Jason Brodsky, policy director at United Against Nuclear Iran, told The Free Press that the president’s death will create a succession crisis—both to find a new president and because Raisi, 63, was the leading contender to replace 85-year-old supreme leader Ayatollah Khamenei. There will now be a scramble to hold an election for a new president among a reluctant population. All this is against the backdrop of a regime that apparently can’t organize a safe flight for two of its most senior members.
“They will have to call an election within 50 days,” said Brodsky. “That’s a tall order for the Islamic Republic because the Iranian people don’t want an election; they want an end to the Islamic Republic.” **
I wonder how this will play over at United For Nuclear Iran, aka the Biden Administration.
In other news, it's confirmed that the President and the Foreign Minister of Iran died in the helicopter crash. Iranians are cheering in the streets, I read.
That is indeed news worthy of the name. I hope the Iranians cheering in the streets aren’t rounded up. But I wonder how long before the regime’s spokesbots start blaming the Israelis.
Also, the people I scroll on occasion on Twitter are already denouncing the EU’s choice to offer condolences to the Iranian people for their loss, and to the mullah regime in its time of woe and grief…
Yes. Much like how most of the Islamic countries are pals with the People’s Republic of China as it exterminates its Muslim population, all while decrying Israeli and Western “Islamophobia.”
Imagine if they'd said, "Congratulations on getting rid of the Butcher of Tehran and a selection of his evil cronies! Maybe the Supreme Leader will slip on a banana peel next week!"
Good morning. It sounds as though you and I are about at the same place in the book. I found the paragraphs where she talked to a teenaged girl, who explained that the teenaged girls all agree to pretend one another's stories of woe - no matter how improbable - are true, to be very true-to-life.
I relish getting to the book in earnest, since it fits my biased dislike for the psychotherapy industry. I think it’s more likely to cause harm than good at an individual level. And it really does operate under the perverse incentive to make everything into a pathology requiring their sort of treatment to cure…or, well, at least live with in quiet and self-obsessed suffering.
I’m not sure what to think. A lot depends on the therapist as well as the individual. It’s not something that should become a lifelong endeavor for the patient, as has been the case of my brother in law. But, I think people find and get what they want. By that I mean there are some people who seem to love being in therapy. Let’s face it, there’s only so much they can do. You have a problem you need to work on. That means that you, the patient, really need to do the work; the therapist is there to coach. At least that’s my experience.
I cannot imagine working with people who won’t help themselves, and that’s often the case. Have you ever had that friend who is having problems, confides in you, and after a while, you notice that it’s never ending? They don’t really want help, they just want to complain. They like being a victim, I swear.
I think just wanting to share and to belly-ache are common forms of human emotional communication. It can be baffling if you tend to be temperamentally of the practical problem-solving temperament or mindset.
I tend to have a lot of empathy, and I really care about my friends. I don’t mind at all if they want to talk. There are times when I just want to talk. Part of being a friend is listening, and showing you care.
This isn’t anyone current, but I had a friend who has now been unhappily married for probably close to 40 years. The problem for me was when she’d call me after several drinks. She kept telling me I was her therapist!!! Finally, I told her that she needed to see a professional or at least go to AA because I really wasn’t helping her.
"The United States expresses its official condolences for the death of Iranian President Ebrahim Raisi, Foreign Minister Amir-Abdollahian, and other members of their delegation in a helicopter crash in northwest Iran. As Iran selects a new president, we reaffirm our support for the Iranian people and their struggle for human rights and fundamental freedoms."
Official State Department blah on the death of Raisi. Could have been worse!
Aloha!
I am at a work/spiritual retreat in Honolulu. I am staying on campus at Chaminade University, in a non-air-conditioned dorm. We are learning about the society of Mary, its values, and how we can apply them At UD. We go from about 7:30 in the morning until 830 at night. So yes, I still look like Casper the friendly ghost. But for lunch today, I’m going to play hooky, and go to lunch with Katie and the kids.
No, I am not completely stupid. Not completely stupid. I rented a condo about five minutes on foot from the beach. That is where they are staying. It has air conditioning, and plenty of amenities. I told you I wasn’t completely stupid. 🤦
Work here ends on Tuesday night, I’ll pack and go to the condo Wednesday morning. I’ll play with the family all day and then we fly out Thursday night arriving back home Friday morning-ish provided United doesn’t screw up our flights. I may paraphrase Barack Obama, never underestimate United’s ability to screw up flights.
It has been a good retreat, but exhausting for an introvert. We have a social dinner every night it lasts for hours. It is just exhausting. I text Katie on breaks 2x a day, But haven’t seen her since I got her to the condo.
It’ll probably be next week before I get back into commenting. So be safe everyone. I’ll talk to you soon. Unless the plane crashes, it is a Boeing after all.
Sounds like fun!
Good luck!
Ok, if you don't want to hear my litany of woes, skip this, lol...I just want to share it with friends...helps me not dwell on it
My left knee is killing me, I sprained my right foot, I had a mammogram and they found something that didn't match the last one and I go back tomorrow for a redo and an ultra sound...things are rough financially at work, my Central Air died and they just came by, $250 for the "all season plan) another $550 to replace two processors...sigh, ( but Rick and I both will die without it) my boss has some minor surgery and I am here alone and was Friday...and probably tomorrow...I have to have that old woman bone density scan early next month
My laptop is freezing and shutting down repeatedly, the keyboard for my desktop died when I tried to use that and I don't have the money to replace it, or the laptop, which would be ideal...
Good news is my BP is still normal, ( though my oxygen level is lower, but not critical due to the bronchitis, but, it seems to be clearing up)l pulse is fine, heart seems fine etc, haven't got the bloodwork yet, but, I don't expect it to me out of the normal range...I hope I am right
I sometimes feel like I am being punished for sins in a past life, because every time I think I get things steady some new thing happens...sigh
All this has made me a bit cranky and the politics stuff bother me more than I would prefer...
Sorry to hear that, Angie. Had wondered how you were. Glad your vitals sound encouraging, though.
Politics in today’s context is more about getting and staying excited—in a bad way mainly—than about finding much in the way of good cheer or fulfillment in life.
Yeah, my problem is that I am a people person and the community aspect and getting to talk to lots of different people is what I am drawn to, and smart people, whom there is a lack of in my real life...lol...and even the ones who are don't like talking about the kind of things I do...
Hello everyone, I have had a month from hell, I have been deleting 2/3 of my inbox , because I can't keep up...
I don't know, my parents took me to therapy in JR High, and it helped a lot...I was a mess...their basic reason to me was I cried alot ( which I did, I was very unhappy on multiple levels, but, my mother and I's relationship was part of it, she wouldn't or couldn't help me
I also did it during my marriage and I gained from it, but, my ex wouldn't cooperate and it was the beginning of the end...
This was never understood to not deal with crises, I have had many in my life ( for some reason...lol) and I weather them well, but, sometimes I need more help and I take it...I am actually good in a crisis believe it or not, but, I do still complain about it sometimes
Also, during and after chemo I saw someone also that helped, plus the anti depressants ...lol
Glad you’re still fighting the good fight, Angie!
I don’t pretend that anyone else’s experience is something I can fully comprehend, much less judge. So to anyone who gets something from therapy, I say, More power to ya!
It backfired for me, and I wouldn’t view it as a one-size-fits-all thing. Although maybe it *didn’t* actually backfire for me at all. It gave me something to tie into a bundle with all my anger and depression issues that I could tie a bow on. Who knows? Not me, that’s who.
Lots of people get something from it, and couples who go to counseling, too. Although when one of the couple decides to “opt out”, there’s not much or any chance that the couple’s conjoined existence is going to last. That in itself is a bad sign, and I don’t blame the therapist for causing it in that case, either.
It was a last ditch desperate attempt to save the marriage, we both took marriage seriously, but, if he had resisted me for 8 years, not sure why I thought he wouldn't keep doing that.
He just refused to believe that he had any responsibility for what was wrong, and he outright said , it was all my fault, being the inferior woman and all...lol...he never did anything wrong...
He also refused to believe I had any legitimate concerns and it was just my weak female self>>
( Ok, in his defense he continued therapy on his own after we split, and make a lot of progress ( thank goodness because it helped him with his next wife) and he eventually apologized to me for the most egregious things, which I appreciated. We were always good friends for many years even before we started dating, and we are still friends...and he is very happy in his second marriage and I am happy for him. He was not a real bad guy, he just had lousy parents who taught him terrible things about relationships)
I stopped being angry a long, long time ago and it is all good now.
Sounds like he still needed to mature quite a bit when you were married.
Yeah, he was younger than me, but only by a year, but, he grew up pretty isolated, and dirt poor, he one of 12 children...and they were all pretty much on their own...he was socially very awkward ( though he was above average smart), and had a distorted view of marriage and women...and I should have seen this, but, I was young...I thought I could help or he would grow into it...that was a naive idea , but you know me, idealist, always think I can help...lol
From the Morning Jolt at NR, which I can oddly still read, some days, even though my subscription expired:
** ... a Hamas-affiliated Telegram account “took seriously an Israeli joke about a Mossad agent named ‘Eli Copter’ being responsible for the crash, repeating the claim before deleting the post.” **
I’m jealous of that one! 🚪
I am surprised that mossad Can make jokes about the passing of an austere scholar Valiantly worked hard to solve the overpopulation crisis.
Yeah, it wasn't very #Empathetic of them.
Really interesting. My parents took my youngest brother to see a therapist out of desperation (I’m sure a school counselor or maybe his doctor recommended it). I know that because my other brother and I went through plenty of problems, as do all kids, without them ever suggesting it for us. I had left home by then, but at one point, the rest of the family saw that same therapist together. The one thing I remember was my mom being shocked when the therapist recommended they buy the motor scooter my brother apparently had been bugging them for. To be honest, the recollections everyone had from that time were actually pretty funny, and would have made a good book.
For the most part, my parents’ idea of “therapy” was telling us life wasn’t fair, and we needed to learn how to deal with things. It was that they didn’t care or weren’t sympathetic; they just felt that it was normal to feel frustrated, angry, unhappy, etc., and you needed to learn how to deal with it. To be honest, I’m now grateful to them. I think it helped me get through some really difficult times as well as a lot of times when things weren’t so difficult, but still not easy.
I got stuck in therapy at an early age for a while. At some point I came to develop a resentment for the therapist and therapy, especially when he was trying to get me to trash talk my Mom and Grandma, effectively my guardians from age 7 to adulthood. Sure, there were things about them that ticked me off, but also things that brought me joy, provided me love and support, and for which I was thankful, even if I expressed it poorly or not at all. What was it with this dude and his obsession with why I should have a generally negative attitude to them?
Eventually he gave up and had me read the book “A New Guide to Rational Living” that had introduced Rational-Emotive Therapy and philosophical stoicism (the book was written in the late ‘60s). That and its successor therapy traditions involved finding practical solutions to clearly defined problems.
In retrospect, I think the traditional therapy caused me to become depressed, since all that constant naval gazing can lead to debilitating bouts of second-guessing and a sense of learned helplessness.
Of course, this is all through the lens of the deep and dimly recollected past. But just about every word from Shrier’s intro resonated with me, except for the bits where she felt like she got something out of therapy as an adult.
My mother put me through it since she thought I must be deeply depressed because our father ran off rather than pay child support. Plus, I’m sure she was overwhelmed as a single parent, and—as she said—she’d been depressed as a young adult and had wished therapy had been available for her at that stage in her life. She was making an honest and sincere effort to figure out the right thing to do under the circumstances.
I assume the vast majority of parents are doing the same thing: trying to dope it out and negotiate what’s best for the whole family individually and collectively. Children *can be* among the harshest critics after the fact. But I’m sure for most the general gratitude outweighs any of their complaints—or should if they’re honest with themselves.
I admire you for figuring things out, and understanding that life is complicated for adults as well as children. I sometimes wonder how we expect so much from people in their 20s when it comes to raising children. In a lot of ways they’re still children in the sense that their experience with life is so limited. I was still clueless in a lot of ways in my 30s!
I always felt as though my mom was overly critical. I wanted to please her, but we were really different. Of course, we were different generations, and she seemed so uptight! However, my aunt (married to my dad’s brother) was very different. I felt I could tell her anything, and she would listen, give me some guidance, but I never felt as though she was unhappy with me.
But now, I can look back and see how much my mother loved me and was doing her best. Same with my dad. I can only imagine how hard it was for your mom, being a single parent. My husband went through that, too, but his was because of his father’s death. Life is hard, and there aren’t any guarantees. Life is also not “fair.” Some children have an easier time than others, but all of them run into problems.
Children need to go through some hard times. They need to learn how to cope, and realize that they can get through it. I’m sorry children have become so “precious” that it’s no longer considered good parenting unless they protect their children from the realities of life.
Keep reading....I think the most disturbing parts of the book relate to intervention by school psychologists and even teachers. I think every parent of young children who attend public school should read the book so they know what to be on the lookout for. I would give the bike trip a 6 out of 10. Good scenery and mostly quiet roads. I'm knocking it down for the days where the roads were busy and the dogs. Lots of loose dogs in rural NM. We were accosted by 5 within 2 miles of the first ride. Nobody was bitten but the threat was there. Also an 81 yo got sideswiped by a car the last day. I don't know any details as we never saw him the rest of the trip other than the fact he was treated and released from the ER that evening. I did see a photo of his face and it was covered in scrapes and stitches above his eye. He was too old to be on that trip, I was almost too old to be on that trip!
Owners with free roaming dogs are less of a rural feature than they used to be here, but you still encounter them when you’re safely in a motor vehicle. The owners will tell you sheepishly that Fido wouldn’t hurt a fly. Glad to know the flies are safe, but anyone walking or riding a bike might suffer bodily injury from dear sweet Fido!
Glad you made it home safely!
Me too! Bike trips are risky endeavors. I always make sure to have the important papers up to date and accessible before we leave.
I haven’t seen you in awhile, but I figured you were busy. How’s that new granddaughter doing? The other one? Glad you had a good trip, you made it back in one piece. (I have gotten more careful riding my horse.)
The grands are doing great! We will all be together over Memorial Day weekend at the lake. HOPEFULLY brother will come and meet his new niece and nephew (and see his mom, it's been a year.) We have to meet up soon.
I’d love to get together with you, but no rush. Wait until things calm down a little 😂 (I might never see you!!) So glad life is going good! ❤️
Good morning. It’s got warm during my retreat in western Ohio over the weekend and downright hot yesterday afternoon. Today will be more of the same. Summer is here, awaiting Memorial Day weekend.
The Front Page lead story is entitled “Border Agents Contemplating Suicide” describing the toll the immigration crisis is inflicting on them.
Meanwhile, the lead story over at the mothership was — the redesigned mothership, which required me to login again this morning. At least the comments section didn’t require its own login, as I had feared.
But in the process of patting themselves on the back, the mothership downgraded the big story over the weekend: the death of the Iranian president in a plane crash.
I was wondering if they’d have something on that. NR has a couple of reports. I noticed Israel immediately said it wasn’t to blame.
Maybe they'll have a big thing on it tomorrow. Even without the website change, I wouldn't have expected major coverage today: the death wasn't even confirmed until the early a.m.
Fair point.
I gave it a try. Commenting works for me. Aylene seemed quite pleased.
I got a late start, so wanted to come here first. My husband likes it.
I come down on both sides of this. I agree that we have, in certain cases, allowed therapy to be substituted for parenting. And I wholeheartedly agree that a lot of the "repressed memory" stuff is bunk. But I know that my therapist helped me greatly after my divorce and a particularly bad immediately-post-divorce relationship. As with many things, it depends on the skill of the provider.
I agree. I went into therapy some years ago, and it helped a lot. I have a therapist I check in with occasionally. I really haven’t felt the need for a while now. But, they can definitely be helpful.
I did some grief counseling after Pam’s death. Long story short, the counselor helped me deal with both my grief and feelings of guilt that I had. Because Pam died from a virus being introduced to her, and because I was with her every day, there is a possibility I was the one who gave her the virus. The counselor helped me through that. Pam‘s mother had the same guilt, so the counselor had both of us meet jointly where we both confessed our guilt, and it helped both of us understand that neither of us were to blame.
I’m glad you saw someone. That’s a really good reason to see a therapist. All therapists are not equally good, and we need to trust our instincts. But, we also need to put in some effort, too.
Agree. Same.
I do as well. I hear the word trauma tossed around very casually, and (usually young) people announcing major decisions based on their mental health. Is it anxiety or typical nervousness about a stressful event? Trauma or a situation that didn’t turn out your way? I completely support getting rid of the stigma of mental illness but in some ways it feels like it’s gone too far the other direction, to competition and even celebration.
O.M.G.....Gen Z loves to use the word "trauma" including my own kid. Dude, you have no idea what "trauma" is. You grew up in a two parent home who bent over backwards to help you with your (very real) mental health issues.
He’s lucky he has you as a parent!!! How many others these days would just go along with him?! Maybe it’s not as many as it now seems, but parents are doing their kids such a disservice by playing into this garbage.
"As with many things, it depends on the skill of the provider."
It probably also depends on the maturity of the customer.
Probably.
** Jason Brodsky, policy director at United Against Nuclear Iran, told The Free Press that the president’s death will create a succession crisis—both to find a new president and because Raisi, 63, was the leading contender to replace 85-year-old supreme leader Ayatollah Khamenei. There will now be a scramble to hold an election for a new president among a reluctant population. All this is against the backdrop of a regime that apparently can’t organize a safe flight for two of its most senior members.
“They will have to call an election within 50 days,” said Brodsky. “That’s a tall order for the Islamic Republic because the Iranian people don’t want an election; they want an end to the Islamic Republic.” **
I wonder how this will play over at United For Nuclear Iran, aka the Biden Administration.
I’ve been wondering, too. Cynthia, you should write a little commentary for TD on current events. I enjoy your writing.
I'm not going to write anything until the new system settles down. I don't like change.
I tend to have problems with change, too.
One problem is that people lie to you. They say, "You won't even notice a difference," when they know that's not true.
Reminds me of the doctor or dentist when they say, “you’re just going to feel a little pinch.” How unreassuring!!
"It's just a stick and a sting!"
In other news, it's confirmed that the President and the Foreign Minister of Iran died in the helicopter crash. Iranians are cheering in the streets, I read.
You know you didn’t do life right when your death notices include the word butcher.
So true.
That is indeed news worthy of the name. I hope the Iranians cheering in the streets aren’t rounded up. But I wonder how long before the regime’s spokesbots start blaming the Israelis.
Also, the people I scroll on occasion on Twitter are already denouncing the EU’s choice to offer condolences to the Iranian people for their loss, and to the mullah regime in its time of woe and grief…
NR is reporting that “International Criminal Court Seeks Arrest Warrants for Both Netanyahu and Hamas Leaders.” Has it always been this crazy?!
Yes. Much like how most of the Islamic countries are pals with the People’s Republic of China as it exterminates its Muslim population, all while decrying Israeli and Western “Islamophobia.”
"condolences to the Iranian people for their loss"
Way to go, EU.
If the EU has an embassy in Tehern, they should send their most junior diplomat to the funeral, as a snub. But they won't.
Maybe they were just trying to be civil?
😂
Imagine if they'd said, "Congratulations on getting rid of the Butcher of Tehran and a selection of his evil cronies! Maybe the Supreme Leader will slip on a banana peel next week!"
CNN: Putin says Raisi was "a true friend of Russia"
I'm feeling a little misty
There, there.
I’m not here as much as I used to be, but always glad when I drop in! That’s funny!!
Maybe Putin should take a helicopter ride.
Now THAT'S civil.
Good morning. It sounds as though you and I are about at the same place in the book. I found the paragraphs where she talked to a teenaged girl, who explained that the teenaged girls all agree to pretend one another's stories of woe - no matter how improbable - are true, to be very true-to-life.
I relish getting to the book in earnest, since it fits my biased dislike for the psychotherapy industry. I think it’s more likely to cause harm than good at an individual level. And it really does operate under the perverse incentive to make everything into a pathology requiring their sort of treatment to cure…or, well, at least live with in quiet and self-obsessed suffering.
I’m not sure what to think. A lot depends on the therapist as well as the individual. It’s not something that should become a lifelong endeavor for the patient, as has been the case of my brother in law. But, I think people find and get what they want. By that I mean there are some people who seem to love being in therapy. Let’s face it, there’s only so much they can do. You have a problem you need to work on. That means that you, the patient, really need to do the work; the therapist is there to coach. At least that’s my experience.
I cannot imagine working with people who won’t help themselves, and that’s often the case. Have you ever had that friend who is having problems, confides in you, and after a while, you notice that it’s never ending? They don’t really want help, they just want to complain. They like being a victim, I swear.
I think just wanting to share and to belly-ache are common forms of human emotional communication. It can be baffling if you tend to be temperamentally of the practical problem-solving temperament or mindset.
I tend to have a lot of empathy, and I really care about my friends. I don’t mind at all if they want to talk. There are times when I just want to talk. Part of being a friend is listening, and showing you care.
This isn’t anyone current, but I had a friend who has now been unhappily married for probably close to 40 years. The problem for me was when she’d call me after several drinks. She kept telling me I was her therapist!!! Finally, I told her that she needed to see a professional or at least go to AA because I really wasn’t helping her.
The fact that the proliferation of therapeutic services has correlated with a massive decline in mental health is very interesting.
Correlation is not causation.
It hasn’t been prevention, either. Although they could say they’ve succeeded in holding domestic elephant attacks to zero.
Because therapy "cured" the elephants?
No, silly. Because you want to claim ownership of the good news before someone else does.
But it's also not, not causation.
I think what you're trying to say is that correlation is not anti-causation.
It's possible.
What I mean is that a correlation can definitely also be a causation.
Hmmmmmm.